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L4 = no-go
Feb. 21st, 2008 04:40 pmDue to some financial constraints and some social issues that I just don't feel like getting into, I've decided not to attend L4 this March.
To be clear, it's not that I don't HAVE the money to go, because I do. I simply think it could be spent on things other than L4, especially since I'm not that excited about the convention in the first place.
Aside from the money, there's some stuff with some of the people from L3 going on, and to be honest I just don't feel like going and getting made to feel like shit. Yes, I fucked up before. I apologized for it, and there's nothing else I can do. If people can't let shit go and forgive, then that's their right. But I shouldn't be made to feel like shit the rest of my life. To be fair, I can see them not forgiving me, but I need to start standing up for myself instead of pleading for people to be friends with me. Maybe I'm not worthy, but I know I'm not so bad I need to be constantly treated like shit. But I digress.
Instead, I'm planning to go to Texas to see my friend Jon. I've been intending to go see him for years now, and I don't see any point in putting it off any longer. Then I'm going to DC/NYC (if Melissa's still cool with hanging out with me, that is).
I need to start living my life for me, without constantly putting other people first. I've made mistakes and I'm sorry for them, but I can't spend the rest of my life on my knees whispering mea culpa. It's not like I can take anything back, as shitty as I feel about it. Sometimes I just feel like there's no fight left in me. I don't wanna feel this way anymore.
To be clear, it's not that I don't HAVE the money to go, because I do. I simply think it could be spent on things other than L4, especially since I'm not that excited about the convention in the first place.
Aside from the money, there's some stuff with some of the people from L3 going on, and to be honest I just don't feel like going and getting made to feel like shit. Yes, I fucked up before. I apologized for it, and there's nothing else I can do. If people can't let shit go and forgive, then that's their right. But I shouldn't be made to feel like shit the rest of my life. To be fair, I can see them not forgiving me, but I need to start standing up for myself instead of pleading for people to be friends with me. Maybe I'm not worthy, but I know I'm not so bad I need to be constantly treated like shit. But I digress.
Instead, I'm planning to go to Texas to see my friend Jon. I've been intending to go see him for years now, and I don't see any point in putting it off any longer. Then I'm going to DC/NYC (if Melissa's still cool with hanging out with me, that is).
I need to start living my life for me, without constantly putting other people first. I've made mistakes and I'm sorry for them, but I can't spend the rest of my life on my knees whispering mea culpa. It's not like I can take anything back, as shitty as I feel about it. Sometimes I just feel like there's no fight left in me. I don't wanna feel this way anymore.