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Okay, so I booked a hotel room for L4. My ticket got here last weekend, so all I really need to do is book a flight over and back (and a railpass for Ireland of course). I have to wait on that one until my check comes in, though, sadly enough. Lol.
I've been having anxiety attacks about it. This is pretty normal, and I had them before L3 too. Still, for that I was going with someone, so it was a little less scary. This time I'll be alone, and for some stupid lame paranoid reason I have this fear that the friends who're going to it will end up disliking/ignoring me either before or during. Gah, I really hate feeling that way, but there never seems to be much I can do to stop it.
It's been a really bad few days for me, depression-wise. I'm really considering at least getting evaluated for medication again. I don't really want to, but I've been having a lot more extreme days and far fewer "in-between" ones, and it worries me. My hyper periods are lasting longer, too. They used to fade within a day, now they last for several, and I don't sleep at all during them. It's really fucking weird, but I just don't get tired at all. It's like I'm on speed, lol. Then I sink into sadness and sleep for days on end, and don't even want to breathe because it takes too much energy.
WTF is wrong with me? Why can't I just be normal? Thinking about it that way, it's easy to see why the woman I considered my best friend just walked away. No one should have to put up with my shit.
God, what I wouldn't give for a single day I feel like I'm on something close to an even emotional keel. And aside from losing my best friend, things are better than they've been in a long time. Just WTF.
I've been having anxiety attacks about it. This is pretty normal, and I had them before L3 too. Still, for that I was going with someone, so it was a little less scary. This time I'll be alone, and for some stupid lame paranoid reason I have this fear that the friends who're going to it will end up disliking/ignoring me either before or during. Gah, I really hate feeling that way, but there never seems to be much I can do to stop it.
It's been a really bad few days for me, depression-wise. I'm really considering at least getting evaluated for medication again. I don't really want to, but I've been having a lot more extreme days and far fewer "in-between" ones, and it worries me. My hyper periods are lasting longer, too. They used to fade within a day, now they last for several, and I don't sleep at all during them. It's really fucking weird, but I just don't get tired at all. It's like I'm on speed, lol. Then I sink into sadness and sleep for days on end, and don't even want to breathe because it takes too much energy.
WTF is wrong with me? Why can't I just be normal? Thinking about it that way, it's easy to see why the woman I considered my best friend just walked away. No one should have to put up with my shit.
God, what I wouldn't give for a single day I feel like I'm on something close to an even emotional keel. And aside from losing my best friend, things are better than they've been in a long time. Just WTF.