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Since today was the official start date for my list, i decided to do a few things on it. The one I'm most proud of doing is #37, to stop making people a priority when they only make me an option.

Last January I started talking regularly with my friend Becky. We planned on going to L3 together, and she was a really good friend. We talked every few days on the phone, and while she sometimes said things that made me feel like shit, she was generally nice to me.

We had a good time at L3, or at least I thought so. But I guess while we were there, she started to think the people she met there were cooler than I was or something. I don't really know how it happened, since we'd been friends for a long time and she just binge drank with these people for three days. Still, since we've been back she's seemed to be avoiding my calls. We haven't spoken for a couple weeks now, where it used to be almost every day. On her Myspace, she moved one of her drinking buddies ahead of me on her friends list. (which isn't a big thing, but still...)

Now, granted, people grow out of friendships every day. And maybe me not drinking, when she seems to do a lot of it, is a reason for her not to like me as  much. Still, it hurts. But I've made my peace with it. I haven't done anything to her, and I've done all I can to be a good friend. So, if she wants to throw me aside because she hung out with "cooler" people for a weekend, so be it. She's not good for my self-esteem anyway, since some of the things she says about my weight, my depression and my bisexuality hurt me.

I've realized that I don't need to be the one constantly making an effort. I'm a good friend, and there's no reason for me to constantly get walked all over. I shouldn't be made to feel inferior just because someone deems me "uncool" to talk to or hang out with.

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mutedtempest

July 2016

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