Sep. 28th, 2010

mutedtempest: (bob ross awesomeness)
Remember how when you were a kid, and being an adult seemed completely awesome? You thought you'd have the freedom to stay up until 2am ordering pizza for delivery and watching cartoons on the couch in your undies. You might have considered answering the door in your underwears, but you could also have thrown on the amazing fluffy 80282721271 thread count bathrobe of softness in dark green with gold trim that you thought all adults owned. (Yes, I had extremely strange ideals for my life even then).

Anyway, yeah, that didn't really pan out the way I'd been expecting it to. Mostly because I'm way too socially awkward to be comfortable dealing with delivery people at any time of day or night. Also, the pizzerias in this town stop delivering at 11pm, so the whole fantasy went kaput. Also, you need money to order pizza, and money is something that I lack due to a combination of a worthless degree, temp jobs that last 3 weeks at most and the lack of any real ambition to find another job. I basically feel like nirvana is sitting around (again in my underwears) at my computer all day, sometimes heating up food and drinking diet energy drinks all day. And walking a mile a day so as not to feel completely slothlike, which really doesn't work all that well, but at least it's something.

In short, I am extremely immature. I am 28 years old, and my life is basically that of a child, aside from the fact that I live alone and have a college degree...which is useless, but dammit, it's an accomplishment. Anyway, because of this, very small adult tasks make me feel as if I've managed to climb Mt. Everest or something. Of course the small things I end up doing are really tiny and regular people with jobs and enriching lives wouldn't give a second through to, but for me, they're epic achievements.

Take today, for example. I've been needing to go to the public library for the past several days in order to print out some forms for a student loan deferment. This has terrified me to such an extreme that I've been pretty much unable to leave the house at all. I do have social anxiety so I know I shouldn't feel too bad about this, but I do. It feels like failing when it happens constantly.

So, to make myself feel a bit better and to reassure myself that I'm an adult capable of performing adult tasks, I went to the Walgreen's across the street from my house and bought some groceries and cleaning supplies. On the way out, I saw that there was a $5 sale on 12 packs of Cottonelle toilet paper. Now, as recently stated, I'm poor. Like, I'd be destitute if I wasn't living in the upper half of my granny's duplex, so for me $5 is a substantial amount. But, when I thought about it, I realized that toilet paper is a very wise purchase since I'll end up using it anyway, and $5 for a 12 pack is pretty damn cheap, especially for a name brand. So, I bought a pack, along with a book of stamps, and felt like a responsible adult.

I'm now riding on the high of that accomplishment, and will be for the rest of the day. And that makes me somewhat sad, because I mean...if finding toilet paper on sale is a big event in someone's life, that's just depressing. Then again, my adulthood isn't living up to my expectations anyway, hence the desire to move to New York. Not that life is going to be automatically more awesome there, but I'm fairly certain I can purchase brand-name TP cheaply.


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