I'm such a fuckup (badness)
Aug. 10th, 2008 10:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mutedtempestI can think things are fine and then I fuck them up. Always. No matter how much I try not to I do. My dad was right, I'm never going to be anything.
I hate myself so much today.
I went to the woods and I was in my happy place and I looked over the edge of the rock, and it's about four stories down to the bottom of the ravine. I thought about how easy it would be to just fall. There are trees and rocks on the way down and I'd most likely die. And I hate it because I want that very very much right now.
I fucking hate this. I can't stop crying. It was better for a long time and now I feel like I did in the fall of 2000. I wish I had the fucking guts to just get it over with, but I'm not eve good enough to do that.
I really can't stop crying. I don't want to exist anymore.
I want it to be quiet in my head. I want the pressure to be gone. It feels like someone is curb stomping me on a constant basis and I can't fucking stop crying.I want to not be alive anymore. I never want to feel again. The bad always outweighs the good and I don't want either of them anymore.
I'm nothing and I dont give a fuck.
I hate myself so much today.
I went to the woods and I was in my happy place and I looked over the edge of the rock, and it's about four stories down to the bottom of the ravine. I thought about how easy it would be to just fall. There are trees and rocks on the way down and I'd most likely die. And I hate it because I want that very very much right now.
I fucking hate this. I can't stop crying. It was better for a long time and now I feel like I did in the fall of 2000. I wish I had the fucking guts to just get it over with, but I'm not eve good enough to do that.
I really can't stop crying. I don't want to exist anymore.
I want it to be quiet in my head. I want the pressure to be gone. It feels like someone is curb stomping me on a constant basis and I can't fucking stop crying.I want to not be alive anymore. I never want to feel again. The bad always outweighs the good and I don't want either of them anymore.
I'm nothing and I dont give a fuck.