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school woes
Jun. 7th, 2010 07:54 pmI know it's my own fault for staying in this program, but dear Lord. I have never felt so inferior in my entire life. I know I should take it easier on myself since I do have brain damage that affects my computational skills and in my defense I didn't realize this stuff would be quite so computer intensive, but...gah.
The thing that upsets me most is that it's not impossible to understand. The last course took me 9 months, but I WAS eventually able to work it out for myself. I will with this one too, it's just incredibly frustrating that it takes so freaking long to grasp it.
I know people think I'm lazy and that I never study, mostly because I want them to think that. That way, they can't look down on me for being stuck on one equation for 3 months. In reality, I spend hours every day reading my textbooks over and over again, writing notes in longhand in my notebooks, typing page after page of them on the computer and reading them aloud to myself in hopes that something will click. Sometimes it does, but if so it takes forever.
I've completed one assignment. I signed up for 100% temp, and I'm supposed to be done by June 30th. I want to be, and I can be ambitious and think that I'll do one exercise per day. Really, I just hope I'm somewhere close to that deadline this time.
The thing that upsets me most is that it's not impossible to understand. The last course took me 9 months, but I WAS eventually able to work it out for myself. I will with this one too, it's just incredibly frustrating that it takes so freaking long to grasp it.
I know people think I'm lazy and that I never study, mostly because I want them to think that. That way, they can't look down on me for being stuck on one equation for 3 months. In reality, I spend hours every day reading my textbooks over and over again, writing notes in longhand in my notebooks, typing page after page of them on the computer and reading them aloud to myself in hopes that something will click. Sometimes it does, but if so it takes forever.
I've completed one assignment. I signed up for 100% temp, and I'm supposed to be done by June 30th. I want to be, and I can be ambitious and think that I'll do one exercise per day. Really, I just hope I'm somewhere close to that deadline this time.
