I dont know what to do!! lol

So, I was going to go to my visa orientation thing this morning, but when I called, the message said that the office is closed until Wednesday at 9am, so I guess I'll do it then. Which isnt really an issue, I'd just like to get a job as soon as I can. I'm not broke and am actually doing all right money wise, but I'd like to be earning and saving.

I had arranged to move into my new room at 3 this afternoon, but I'm having second thoughts. I was browsing the classified site where I found the room in the first place, and came across another. It's bigger, has more stuff included, and is 30 pounds per month cheaper. I want it.

Honestly I feel a bit bad, but I'm weighing the pros and cons and the newer room just seems a better value for me.  There were several pictures included in the ad, and it's much bigger. I dont mind having a small room and in fact prefer it on the smaller side, but the one i got last night is just...wow. I didnt know it was possible for a room to be that small. 

The newer one has a TV and DVD player. I dont watch a ton of TV, but that'd be nice to have. It also has wireless broadband, so I wouldnt have to fuck with setting up a connection. The Polish dude assured me that the tinyroom has internet, but I dont see how it can as they have cable and not wireless.

Anyway, yeah. I'm stumped as to what I should do. I emailed the people with the bigger room and am waiting to hear back from them. The ad states that the room was available on September 24th, and I hope they didnt mean October 24th and made a typo. But that's kinda why I'm waiting to hear, so I can ask. lol.

I have two hours until I'm supposed to move into the tinyroom. I've had several panic attacks this morning and really dont feel like doing it (I'm fine, I was just freaking out again and it made me want to do nothing except sleep lol). I'm thinking of calling the Polish dude and telling him I dont feel so well (I dont, I have a cold and I'm still trying to get my sugars regulated) and asking if I cant wait a day or so, just so I can rest. That way I can wait to hear from the other people, too.

Am I a bad person? I feel like one. I dont really think I should feel bad, but I do. lol. The guys are nice, but if a better, cheaper room is available, I should take that. Right?

Oh, and since I have two days until I can do anything, I'm going to rest as much as I can. I need to get to a doctor to get my HbA1C done and try to figure out what adjustments i can make, but my visa has to be vaildated first. lol. I'm fine, but I'd really like to get adjusted a little better.

RIP laptop

Yep, apparently it is dead. Me is sad. Very sad.

I hadnt used in awhile, and had been carrying it around the city with me since I'm scared to let it out of my sight. Anyway, I went to turn it on today and all I got was a black screen and the word ERROR. I cant even boot it in safe mode. Sigh.

I dont know what I did to it. This is exactly the same thing that happened when my old laptop's drive went bad. I did fuck with it and installed Linux, but it was working fine for almost a month with that on there, so I dont think that's the problem. Still, I'm sure I invalidated the warranty.

Because of that, I'm going to have to suck it up and either have it repaired or just buy a new system, neither of which I want to do because they're expensive. I did see an option for a three month system rental from a computer repair shop in the city, and I might just do that. 

I was browsing on the innerwebs and found a beautiful Samsung laptop for £300, including delivery, and I could afford that...but then I'd have no moneys whatsoever to live on. This officially sucks, mostly because my schoolwork is online and I really cant afford to miss any more fucking work. 

I really wish I was rich and could just fucking buy the one I saw, it's really not very expensive. Unfortunately even if i did, the money I have is cash and not in the bank to be on my debitcard.

I think I'm pretty much fucked.

So I've decided

that I have to go back to the US. I hate it, but i just dont see how i can make this work. I cant flunk out of school, and without my laptop that's exactly what will happen.

Looking at flights physically hurts me.

I really wanted to be able to make this work. I feel like the biggest failure ever, I couldnt even make it a month.