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[mutedtempest]

Okay, so I went to lunch with my grandpa, and he got on my case again about school. he says that since I've been in it for six years now and don't have a degree I just need to quit and get a steady job. He refuses to hear me when I tell him that to get anywhere in the world these days, I'm going to need a degree. Yeah, I can write, but I'm not Jenny. I can't become a millionaire author right away, it takes years of stories that barely sell. But he tells me that there are plenty of people without degrees that have good jobs. I replied that the great majority of these people, if they've entered the workforce recently without any degree or training, are most likely barely making ends meet. And he also says that if i were to pay for training, such as, say...a pharmacy tech or whatever, I shouldn't pay for it because "you shouldn't have to pay to get a job. they should pay you." It just doesn't make any sense to say that in today's world, and he refuses to even consider this.

Now, the man has been retired since 1993. He's a high school dropout, who got his job when there was a big calling for computer programmers in the 1950's. I keep trying to tell him that there's just NO WAY that can happen now. His response is that he and my grandma had to pay out their noses all their lives and were never able to afford anything. And when I told him I don't want to live like that the rest of my life, he got upset.

It's not that I shun hard work. I have a very strong work ethic, but i want more than just some position at a telemarketing firm or something. Sure, it'd pay the bills, but...I think I'm capable of more. And with the cost of my medication, I'd always have to make the choice between my insulin and rent/food/whatever. I don't want to have to always make that choice. Without schooling, I'll always have to. That's just how this country is.

Another thing we discussed was how staying in this town the rest of my life isn't a bad thing. And you know what? No, it's not necessarily a bad thing...but I want more. I don't want to stay in this town and work a shit job and constantly be struggling the rest of my life. I know my grandpa did that, and I admire his work ethic...but I don't want to look back when I'm 72 and remember nothing about my life aside from working a crappy job and saving up for the day I can use it. And I don't see anything wrong with wanting more than that from my life.

And as a pretty irrelevant sidenote, he went off on the money thing again. Apparently, although I pay rent to live here, he says that I'm "expecting people to take care of me." That was pretty offensive. He and my grandma do pay my electric bill, but I never asked them to do so, and every time I suggest getting the bill put into my name, he won't go with me to change it.

I asked him if he'd be happy if I moved out, and paid all the bills at another place. He said no because "at least where you are now, if you lose your job again you'll have a place to stay where you won't get kicked out." I told him that was ridiculous, and he got mad. he then got into all the times he's helped me with medication. So I asked him if he'd be happy if I went ahead and stopped taking my insulin and died, so he'd never have to pay another dime for me, for anything. And his response was "not necessarily." When I asked him if he'd be happy if I died.

Comments

[darkness-d.livejournal.com]

Jesus christ, I wanna smack that man. You know he's wrong, don't listen to him. I'm just really sorry he said those things to you.

[mutedtempest.livejournal.com]

I can see it. I mean, I've been a big burden on him financially, so I don't blame him. He's a good man.

[darkness-d.livejournal.com]

Oh come on. He's your grandad, he has no excuse for treating you like that.

[mutedtempest.livejournal.com]

I don't...see what's that bad. I'm not trying to be an idiot here, I just don't understand. I mean sure, it was a little unfeeling, but he's just not an emotionally sensitive kinda guy.

[darkness-d.livejournal.com]

It's just not how I'd treat any grandchild of mine. It doesn't make sense to me.

[mutedtempest.livejournal.com]

I'd never treat ANYBODY like that, even if I hated them.

But it's me. And that's how my family treats me. And they don't say anything untrue. I'm a burden and I just need to leave and never bother them again. Because maybe they're right, you know?

I always always always wanted them to love me. And I always thought that the kids who HAD a family that loved them were lucky. But then I thought, well, it's my own fault they don't. And that's just kinda how it's been.

[mutedtempest.livejournal.com]

...emo enough? Jesus christ. Lol.

[darkness-d.livejournal.com]

If they treat you like shit, it's not your fault. It's coming from them, not you.

[mutedtempest.livejournal.com]

but i've been a burden to them, so it's a result of me not being good enough.

[darkness-d.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you THINK you have been.

[mutedtempest.livejournal.com]

It's all I've ever been told! Why would they say it if I wasn't?

[darkness-d.livejournal.com]

People say all kinds of stupid crap all the time to make themselves feel better