Various random stuff
Jun. 28th, 2007 11:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mutedtempestI'm currently on the last day of a three-day break from work. It sounds nice, but the only reason it's happening is because the heat messed with my blood sugar levels on Tuesday and I had to leave so as to avoid death. I'm feeling okay now, but my doc wants me to take it easy. Blah. Honestly, I don't mind the time away, although I lament the lack of income generated by this turn of events. Still, when you're only making $6.80 an hour (I couldn't afford rent somewhere if I wanted to!) it doesn't really make much difference in the long run. Especially since even working 40+ hours a week still isn't earning me enough to pay for my insulin.
Now, having no degree, I can't really complain about the low wage. I'm just pissed that because of medical reasons beyond my control, I owe money to a university, and until I pay that off, I can't get verification of my enrollment there, which means no further school. Yep, that's right, my application status is "On hold," at Western Illinois until I can have a final transcript sent. So basically, I'm good and fucked. I can't say that it doesn't upset me, but there's not a lot I can do unless I happen to win the lottery tomorrow and magically obtain the $1,548 remaining on my debt to ISU.
I guess in the end it'll make me appreciate things more when I have the ability to get them, but dammit, I'm so sick of being poor. Hell, even when I'm working, paying off my medical debt and trying to manage my diabetes leaves me broke. I find it rather laughable that a disease I was born with, over which I had no control whatsoever, seems to be such a permanent obstacle to improving my life. I like to think of myself as somewhat intelligent, and if it hadn't been for my diabetes going wacko in college, I'd be well into my doctoral studies by now. Chances are, though, with the mounting debts I have, I'll be reduced to working minimum wage, low skill jobs the rest of my life, resting forever on the poverty line. It's enough to make me want to give up a lot of the time.
It irks me that people who rack up massive amounts of credit card debt are able to declare bankruptcy and start brand new, but I'm unable to do so. I can't afford the consultation fee at most lawyers', but I went to a public bankruptcy attorney and was told that the best I could possibly do was to have my debts consolidated...at a monthly rate that won't let me pay rent, let alone have things like, I don't know, food and clothing. It seems pretty backwards to me, but hey, I don't run the system. Apparently I just leech off the doctors who "are there for me when I need them" (according to the five hundred bill collectors a day who call me) by using their services so as not to die when I can't afford to pay 5 grand to stay in the hospital for three days on my own.
Sorry, I'm ranting. I just feel trapped in a situation that I'll never be able to get out of, because as soon as I pay off one debt, more fees are added to another, and it becomes a big circle. Hell, I don't even pay for my internet. A friend does that for me (long story), and there's a problem with his debit card, so I can't submit payment. I'm thinking bye-bye, WWW in a week or two. Oh well, not much I can do.
I don't even know if I have hope anymore. I might just be a college dropout the rest of my life. I guess I need to make my peace with that, as there's nothing I can really do to change it.
In a bit of news that I'm trying to think over without getting my hopes up, I was contacted by an auditing firm in Rock Island about a job. Apparently my resume and writing sample were good enough for a callback. It'd be decent work, mostly data entry and communication with clients with some drafting of reports here and there, but it's long-term, stable, and starts at 9 bucks an hour. Might not seem like much, but at this point, I'd feel rich with $7.50, which is what Illinois' minimum wage is jumping to in July.
I also saw an ad for an income tax preparation course taught through H&R Block. It costs $50, and while there's no guarantee of employment afterward, there's a chance. I figure I have nothing to lose, and it's not as if I'll be enrolled at an actual school or anything. There's one taking place at a plaza close to my house, so I won't have to worry about getting home afterwards, and it's at night so I can still work. I figure I might as well. I hate math and all things related to numbers, but hell, it's not like I have a ton of options right now. If this could be a potential career, why not try it out? It's only $50 in the end, afterall. Even if I hate it, I haven't lost much. Hell, the entire class is half the price of one bottle of insulin.
I'm trying not to lose all my hope for the future, but it's a constant struggle. I'd love to see a shrink about it, but that'd just cost more money that I don't have.
Now, having no degree, I can't really complain about the low wage. I'm just pissed that because of medical reasons beyond my control, I owe money to a university, and until I pay that off, I can't get verification of my enrollment there, which means no further school. Yep, that's right, my application status is "On hold," at Western Illinois until I can have a final transcript sent. So basically, I'm good and fucked. I can't say that it doesn't upset me, but there's not a lot I can do unless I happen to win the lottery tomorrow and magically obtain the $1,548 remaining on my debt to ISU.
I guess in the end it'll make me appreciate things more when I have the ability to get them, but dammit, I'm so sick of being poor. Hell, even when I'm working, paying off my medical debt and trying to manage my diabetes leaves me broke. I find it rather laughable that a disease I was born with, over which I had no control whatsoever, seems to be such a permanent obstacle to improving my life. I like to think of myself as somewhat intelligent, and if it hadn't been for my diabetes going wacko in college, I'd be well into my doctoral studies by now. Chances are, though, with the mounting debts I have, I'll be reduced to working minimum wage, low skill jobs the rest of my life, resting forever on the poverty line. It's enough to make me want to give up a lot of the time.
It irks me that people who rack up massive amounts of credit card debt are able to declare bankruptcy and start brand new, but I'm unable to do so. I can't afford the consultation fee at most lawyers', but I went to a public bankruptcy attorney and was told that the best I could possibly do was to have my debts consolidated...at a monthly rate that won't let me pay rent, let alone have things like, I don't know, food and clothing. It seems pretty backwards to me, but hey, I don't run the system. Apparently I just leech off the doctors who "are there for me when I need them" (according to the five hundred bill collectors a day who call me) by using their services so as not to die when I can't afford to pay 5 grand to stay in the hospital for three days on my own.
Sorry, I'm ranting. I just feel trapped in a situation that I'll never be able to get out of, because as soon as I pay off one debt, more fees are added to another, and it becomes a big circle. Hell, I don't even pay for my internet. A friend does that for me (long story), and there's a problem with his debit card, so I can't submit payment. I'm thinking bye-bye, WWW in a week or two. Oh well, not much I can do.
I don't even know if I have hope anymore. I might just be a college dropout the rest of my life. I guess I need to make my peace with that, as there's nothing I can really do to change it.
In a bit of news that I'm trying to think over without getting my hopes up, I was contacted by an auditing firm in Rock Island about a job. Apparently my resume and writing sample were good enough for a callback. It'd be decent work, mostly data entry and communication with clients with some drafting of reports here and there, but it's long-term, stable, and starts at 9 bucks an hour. Might not seem like much, but at this point, I'd feel rich with $7.50, which is what Illinois' minimum wage is jumping to in July.
I also saw an ad for an income tax preparation course taught through H&R Block. It costs $50, and while there's no guarantee of employment afterward, there's a chance. I figure I have nothing to lose, and it's not as if I'll be enrolled at an actual school or anything. There's one taking place at a plaza close to my house, so I won't have to worry about getting home afterwards, and it's at night so I can still work. I figure I might as well. I hate math and all things related to numbers, but hell, it's not like I have a ton of options right now. If this could be a potential career, why not try it out? It's only $50 in the end, afterall. Even if I hate it, I haven't lost much. Hell, the entire class is half the price of one bottle of insulin.
I'm trying not to lose all my hope for the future, but it's a constant struggle. I'd love to see a shrink about it, but that'd just cost more money that I don't have.