Meme thingy from Anna
Nov. 24th, 2009 02:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mutedtempest1. FIRST NAME: Heather. From Gaelic-Celt, meaning "love," or so the little crochet piece my mother hung in my bedroom when I was a baby proclaimed. It's also a nice little purplish flowering plant. I used to hate the name because it was somewhat popular when I was a child, although since elementary school I've only known two other Heathers personally. I've grown to love the name over the past decade or so, though. I think it's quite fitting in its meaning since I value love above pretty much all else and am very affectionate. It was also very cool to have lived in Scotland and Ireland and to have seen the plant and heard the word pronounced the way it's meant to be. I now think it's one of the coolest names on earth and while people here generally have a tough time saying it, the meaning fits me perfectly, it speaks to my heritage and doesn't sound half bad. XD
2. AGE: 27. I can hardly believe that myself, but there it is. I'm not even close to where I expected to be at this point in my life, but I'm starting to feel much better about what I've managed to accomplish thus far anyway. Sometimes I feel incredibly old, but I still see myself as an overgrown child and sincerely doubt that I will ever act my age. Life's far too silly for that and I'm trying to allow myself to enjoy it.
3. LOCATION: An incredibly charming little town in Northern Sweden called Piteå. My main reason for coming was to be closer to my best friend, but since arriving I've found a million reasons to want to stay. I've only been here a bit over a month, but I've already started to put down some roots and I love it here. It feels like home to me. I've always wanted to live in a town where I could walk to pretty much everything I needed, where the people were friendly and the scenery was beautiful. I realized about a week after arriving that this is place I had in mind all these years. I would love to stay permanently and am trying my best to find a way to do so, because the thought of leaving makes me very sad. I'm trying to find a job or to meet a person who can put up with me enough to let me stay here with them (this last is only half-joking, folks. lol).
I've just moved into a small but amazing little place and if I had the option, I'd buy it and keep it forever, although I'd get it set up for broadband and put some outlets in the bedroom! It's very close to the center of town but is in a quiet and peaceful residential area, and I adore it muchly.
I grew up and spent most of my life in northwestern Illinois, and the remnants of my family still live there. I've been wanting to get away for years, though. In 2008 I moved to Edinburgh, Scotland for six months, and that city will always be my first love location-wise. I've also lived in Ireland, in a smallish city called Galway right on the coast. I liked it there well enough, but it couldn't hold a candle to my Edinburgh and doesn't even compare to Pite. It was a good experience, though, and I'm glad I tried it out.
4. OCCUPATION: Professional bum, otherwise known as an online graduate student in Geographical Information Systems at Lund University. I'd love to pick up a real job here in Pite if possible, but I'm pretty sure my Swedish needs to improve about a thousandfold first. :P
5. PARTNER?: Negative. My first real relationship, where the affection was mutual, ended on September 6th of this year and I'm not quite ready to explore another just yet. I'm getting very close to the point where I'm ready to meet new people, though.
I have a history of very bad relationships, the previously mentioned one excluded. Before her I've been with people that I've allowed to use me as a doormat and a surrogate mother, and I've worked very hard on increasing my self-esteem enough that I would no longer touch such people or relationships with a thousand foot pole. I will no longer allow myself to be someone's last option and I won't be with someone who doesn't care about me and my happiness in whatever form that might take. I'm still working to better myself and always will, and while I'll never be perfect I do think I'd be a very good partner for the right person.
I'm quite content to be single at the moment, but should I meet someone with whom I share a connection I'd be more than willing to give it a go. What's the point of living if there's no love in life?
6. KIDS: I...really don't know. I'd love to say yes because I do love children and think they're amazing, but I'm not sure I'd be a good parent. My own examples of parenthood were sorely lacking and while I know that I'm not my father or stepmother, I worry that in times of stress I might fall back on what I know. I'm not sure I could live with myself if I did that to my child. I would have the best of intentions but life sometimes gets in the way, and I don't want any child of mine to suffer because of me.
I lost a son at the age of 22 and I'm still haunted by it. People miscarry every day and I know the levels of related grief are varied, but I wasn't expecting it at all and had formed a bond with him. I've worked through a good deal of the sadness but I do still have moments where I miss him terribly. Probably always will.
7. BROTHERS/SISTERS: I have two baby (half)brothers whom I love more than anyone on this earth. Troy is 16 and just got his driver's license, and my Shaney is 12 and a very gifted young man. I practically raised them both until I left home, and haven't had anywhere near as much interaction with them as I would have liked due to circumstances. I miss them so very very much and I'm so incredibly proud of them for the men they're growing into. They both have good hearts and are open minded and intelligent and I'd do anything in my power to give them whatever they need.
8. PETS: None, which makes me somewhat sad. I grew up with a menagerie of dogs, cats, birds, hamsters, fish, etc. ad I miss having animals around. I'm a dog lover first and foremost, not much of a cat fan but they're not horrible once I get used to them. I'd never own one voluntarily, though!
9. LIST THE 3-5 BIGGEST THINGS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE: Honestly, my life is pretty boring. Not really any big things going on in it! I suppose moving and Nano and Rhino meetups count, though, so we'll go with those!
10. PARENTS: I lost my mother to cancer at the age of 6, and my memories of her are pretty clouded by her sickness. I do have many good memories of her though and I know that she loved me very dearly. I wish I'd been able to know her as a person and that we'd been able to meet up for lunch once I'd grown. I have the feeling she'd be my best friend. I love her very very deeply and miss her every day.
My father...well. I love him, but it's complicated. He was my hero, and I do know that he loves me, in his way. When I was ill, it was the first time I'd ever seen him cry, so I know that he cares. It's just hard for him to show it, I suppose. I'm nearly 100% positive that he's undiagnosed and untreated for bipolar disorder, because his mood swings are epic and always have been. He was quite scary when I was a child because he worked construction and was very muscular, and when he had a swing his anger was frightening. While I know he didn't do it on purpose, per se, his abuse is something I have a hard time forgetting or excusing away.
My stepmother is another story entirely. I don't think she's an evil person, but she's extremely manipulative and never liked having me around, since I disrupted the family image she wanted to have with my father and my half-brothers when they came along. She was always very cold to me and I was constantly told that I wasn't good enough, that my interests were all stupid, that I was worthless, and so on. She insisted I leave the house at age 15, and when she refused to pay child support to my foster family and had to move back in with her and my father, she told me that as soon as i turned 18 I would be kicked out, despite the fact that I was only just beginning my final year of school. It's odd that I can't seem to hate her, although she made me spend a lot of time on the streets. I guess what's done is done, though, and there's no point resenting her.
11. WHO ARE SOME OF YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS?: My very best friend, DD/Leia. I adore this girl more than anyone on earth, and can't imagine my life without her in it. She was my first love, but I loved her as a person and as a friend long before that, and I still do. Very much so. She hasn't run away yet for some odd reason and she seems to believe in me. We understand one another and while we're very different people we have a lot of strong similarities. I can't stay mad at her, even when we fight to end all fights. She makes me laugh more than anyone I've ever known and while she doesn't seem to think so, she's incredibly sweet and good to me. She amazes me every day with her brilliance and her resilience and humor and strength, and I think she's one of the best people around. I'm so glad I get to live close to her now and see her lots. it does my heart good and I'll have abs of steel by the time she's done with me, I laugh so often when she's around. Her happiness is very important to me and I hope she knows I'd do anything for her, anytime she needs it. I'm glad she's in my life. She can has many muuuuuks.
Lisa, who I've known since we were 12. She's my oldest friend and although we've never been joined at the hip, we've stayed close throughout the years. I'm so proud of her for everything she's managed to accomplish and she's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. Love her dearly.
Lindsay: Met her in a creative writing class at Illinois State, and thought she was the hottest thing in the region. She still is, and she doesn't even know it, which is one of the many things I love about her. She's sweet and caring and just an all around great person, and her naivete is adorable although very worrying sometimes. We click although there are many reasons we shouldn't, and I'm very glad of it.
My Rhinos: I haven't known them for long, but I adore them so much. They're all incredibly sweet and amazing individuals and I'm blessed to know them and get to spend time with them. I've never felt so accepted by a group of people before, and it makes me really happy to be able to talk to and joke with all of them. They let me be me and don't seem to dislike me for it, and they make me really happy. They're the reason Pite feels like home and I hope they know how appreciated they all are.
2. AGE: 27. I can hardly believe that myself, but there it is. I'm not even close to where I expected to be at this point in my life, but I'm starting to feel much better about what I've managed to accomplish thus far anyway. Sometimes I feel incredibly old, but I still see myself as an overgrown child and sincerely doubt that I will ever act my age. Life's far too silly for that and I'm trying to allow myself to enjoy it.
3. LOCATION: An incredibly charming little town in Northern Sweden called Piteå. My main reason for coming was to be closer to my best friend, but since arriving I've found a million reasons to want to stay. I've only been here a bit over a month, but I've already started to put down some roots and I love it here. It feels like home to me. I've always wanted to live in a town where I could walk to pretty much everything I needed, where the people were friendly and the scenery was beautiful. I realized about a week after arriving that this is place I had in mind all these years. I would love to stay permanently and am trying my best to find a way to do so, because the thought of leaving makes me very sad. I'm trying to find a job or to meet a person who can put up with me enough to let me stay here with them (this last is only half-joking, folks. lol).
I've just moved into a small but amazing little place and if I had the option, I'd buy it and keep it forever, although I'd get it set up for broadband and put some outlets in the bedroom! It's very close to the center of town but is in a quiet and peaceful residential area, and I adore it muchly.
I grew up and spent most of my life in northwestern Illinois, and the remnants of my family still live there. I've been wanting to get away for years, though. In 2008 I moved to Edinburgh, Scotland for six months, and that city will always be my first love location-wise. I've also lived in Ireland, in a smallish city called Galway right on the coast. I liked it there well enough, but it couldn't hold a candle to my Edinburgh and doesn't even compare to Pite. It was a good experience, though, and I'm glad I tried it out.
4. OCCUPATION: Professional bum, otherwise known as an online graduate student in Geographical Information Systems at Lund University. I'd love to pick up a real job here in Pite if possible, but I'm pretty sure my Swedish needs to improve about a thousandfold first. :P
5. PARTNER?: Negative. My first real relationship, where the affection was mutual, ended on September 6th of this year and I'm not quite ready to explore another just yet. I'm getting very close to the point where I'm ready to meet new people, though.
I have a history of very bad relationships, the previously mentioned one excluded. Before her I've been with people that I've allowed to use me as a doormat and a surrogate mother, and I've worked very hard on increasing my self-esteem enough that I would no longer touch such people or relationships with a thousand foot pole. I will no longer allow myself to be someone's last option and I won't be with someone who doesn't care about me and my happiness in whatever form that might take. I'm still working to better myself and always will, and while I'll never be perfect I do think I'd be a very good partner for the right person.
I'm quite content to be single at the moment, but should I meet someone with whom I share a connection I'd be more than willing to give it a go. What's the point of living if there's no love in life?
6. KIDS: I...really don't know. I'd love to say yes because I do love children and think they're amazing, but I'm not sure I'd be a good parent. My own examples of parenthood were sorely lacking and while I know that I'm not my father or stepmother, I worry that in times of stress I might fall back on what I know. I'm not sure I could live with myself if I did that to my child. I would have the best of intentions but life sometimes gets in the way, and I don't want any child of mine to suffer because of me.
I lost a son at the age of 22 and I'm still haunted by it. People miscarry every day and I know the levels of related grief are varied, but I wasn't expecting it at all and had formed a bond with him. I've worked through a good deal of the sadness but I do still have moments where I miss him terribly. Probably always will.
7. BROTHERS/SISTERS: I have two baby (half)brothers whom I love more than anyone on this earth. Troy is 16 and just got his driver's license, and my Shaney is 12 and a very gifted young man. I practically raised them both until I left home, and haven't had anywhere near as much interaction with them as I would have liked due to circumstances. I miss them so very very much and I'm so incredibly proud of them for the men they're growing into. They both have good hearts and are open minded and intelligent and I'd do anything in my power to give them whatever they need.
8. PETS: None, which makes me somewhat sad. I grew up with a menagerie of dogs, cats, birds, hamsters, fish, etc. ad I miss having animals around. I'm a dog lover first and foremost, not much of a cat fan but they're not horrible once I get used to them. I'd never own one voluntarily, though!
9. LIST THE 3-5 BIGGEST THINGS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE: Honestly, my life is pretty boring. Not really any big things going on in it! I suppose moving and Nano and Rhino meetups count, though, so we'll go with those!
10. PARENTS: I lost my mother to cancer at the age of 6, and my memories of her are pretty clouded by her sickness. I do have many good memories of her though and I know that she loved me very dearly. I wish I'd been able to know her as a person and that we'd been able to meet up for lunch once I'd grown. I have the feeling she'd be my best friend. I love her very very deeply and miss her every day.
My father...well. I love him, but it's complicated. He was my hero, and I do know that he loves me, in his way. When I was ill, it was the first time I'd ever seen him cry, so I know that he cares. It's just hard for him to show it, I suppose. I'm nearly 100% positive that he's undiagnosed and untreated for bipolar disorder, because his mood swings are epic and always have been. He was quite scary when I was a child because he worked construction and was very muscular, and when he had a swing his anger was frightening. While I know he didn't do it on purpose, per se, his abuse is something I have a hard time forgetting or excusing away.
My stepmother is another story entirely. I don't think she's an evil person, but she's extremely manipulative and never liked having me around, since I disrupted the family image she wanted to have with my father and my half-brothers when they came along. She was always very cold to me and I was constantly told that I wasn't good enough, that my interests were all stupid, that I was worthless, and so on. She insisted I leave the house at age 15, and when she refused to pay child support to my foster family and had to move back in with her and my father, she told me that as soon as i turned 18 I would be kicked out, despite the fact that I was only just beginning my final year of school. It's odd that I can't seem to hate her, although she made me spend a lot of time on the streets. I guess what's done is done, though, and there's no point resenting her.
11. WHO ARE SOME OF YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS?: My very best friend, DD/Leia. I adore this girl more than anyone on earth, and can't imagine my life without her in it. She was my first love, but I loved her as a person and as a friend long before that, and I still do. Very much so. She hasn't run away yet for some odd reason and she seems to believe in me. We understand one another and while we're very different people we have a lot of strong similarities. I can't stay mad at her, even when we fight to end all fights. She makes me laugh more than anyone I've ever known and while she doesn't seem to think so, she's incredibly sweet and good to me. She amazes me every day with her brilliance and her resilience and humor and strength, and I think she's one of the best people around. I'm so glad I get to live close to her now and see her lots. it does my heart good and I'll have abs of steel by the time she's done with me, I laugh so often when she's around. Her happiness is very important to me and I hope she knows I'd do anything for her, anytime she needs it. I'm glad she's in my life. She can has many muuuuuks.
Lisa, who I've known since we were 12. She's my oldest friend and although we've never been joined at the hip, we've stayed close throughout the years. I'm so proud of her for everything she's managed to accomplish and she's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. Love her dearly.
Lindsay: Met her in a creative writing class at Illinois State, and thought she was the hottest thing in the region. She still is, and she doesn't even know it, which is one of the many things I love about her. She's sweet and caring and just an all around great person, and her naivete is adorable although very worrying sometimes. We click although there are many reasons we shouldn't, and I'm very glad of it.
My Rhinos: I haven't known them for long, but I adore them so much. They're all incredibly sweet and amazing individuals and I'm blessed to know them and get to spend time with them. I've never felt so accepted by a group of people before, and it makes me really happy to be able to talk to and joke with all of them. They let me be me and don't seem to dislike me for it, and they make me really happy. They're the reason Pite feels like home and I hope they know how appreciated they all are.
