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mutedtempestIf you dont want to read this, dont. I'm holding a damn gun to your head. I just need to talk and there's no one to talk to, so I'm typing it.
This has been the worst day in a really long time. I went to bed incredibly depressed and cried myself to sleep in a room with 14 other people. I woke up after an hour, still crying.
This morning i showered and went to the mall right on the beach. I went outside it and stood on the dock for almost an hour, looking at the water and trying to will myself not to just jump in and end this miserable fucking excuse for a life.
She's the only reason I didn't. I hate that I hurt her so much. All I want to do is die because I didnt even mean to do it, and i made her life so much fucking worse. She's really fucking sick and I didnt even help her, and two days ago i foudn out that I said something during a seizure that made it all worse. I want to shoot myself in the head ten million times until nothing is left except tiny bits of bone, so no one will ever find me.
I want it to end. it hurts too much inside. I cant make myself go numb and all I do is hurt. I hurt myself and I hurt other people constantly. I hurt the only person who ever cared about me.
I havent been suicidal in a long time, but I am now. And I hate it because I thought that part was over. i thought I had it under control.
it's all a big fucking joke. I'm a big fucking joke. I'm worthless and all i want is to die.
This has been the worst day in a really long time. I went to bed incredibly depressed and cried myself to sleep in a room with 14 other people. I woke up after an hour, still crying.
This morning i showered and went to the mall right on the beach. I went outside it and stood on the dock for almost an hour, looking at the water and trying to will myself not to just jump in and end this miserable fucking excuse for a life.
She's the only reason I didn't. I hate that I hurt her so much. All I want to do is die because I didnt even mean to do it, and i made her life so much fucking worse. She's really fucking sick and I didnt even help her, and two days ago i foudn out that I said something during a seizure that made it all worse. I want to shoot myself in the head ten million times until nothing is left except tiny bits of bone, so no one will ever find me.
I want it to end. it hurts too much inside. I cant make myself go numb and all I do is hurt. I hurt myself and I hurt other people constantly. I hurt the only person who ever cared about me.
I havent been suicidal in a long time, but I am now. And I hate it because I thought that part was over. i thought I had it under control.
it's all a big fucking joke. I'm a big fucking joke. I'm worthless and all i want is to die.