i wish i didnt have to feel anything

I really wish I could just be numb. I've cried so much today I made myself throw up three times so far, and I still am crying so it's likely I'll be sick again.

My Papa is in the hospital, and I am in Ireland. I want to go home and see him because he's sick, but I dont want to leave Ireland because I was closer to my girlfriend. She jst dumped me because she wants me to go home, and I just cant reconcile that in my head. I want tobe numb. This hurts too much. I know why she did it but it still feels like she dumped me because my grandpa got sick and i want to go see him. It hurts.