Driving Paranoia

It might stem from the fact that, kept from taking Driver's Ed in high school due to my bitchy stepmother and having no one to teach me until I turned 19, I didn't even learn to drive until years after the general population of the country usually does. Add to that the horror stories my stepmom (yep, the same bitch one as mentioned earlier) always told me about diabetics having severe reactions behind the wheel and killing small children playing in their backyards, and it's small wonder that I'm a little leery of driving a vehicle weighing several tons and controlled by me alone around a town populated by hundreds of thousands of these same vehicles, many driven by people that by all rights shouldn't even be allowed to leave their houses, let alone drive.

Now that I'm making somewhat decent money, the first thing that family members and friends like to ask me is when I'll be getting a car. Now, I do admit that the thought has crossed my mind. There would undoubtedly be certain benefits, such as being able to leave my house after six pm without worrying about how I'll make it back. (Yes, public transportation here is a black hole of stupid). I'd be able to take a much less stressful job, namely the nice one at the cable company that I wanted to take more than anything last month, but was unable to since the shift ended at 9pm and I'd have been stuck ten miles from my house in the dead of winter. I'd also be able to go to Jimmy John's, a sandwich shop that I adore but that does not deliver to my house due to distance.

However, I also have to consider the downfalls of purchasing a car. For one, the expense would be ridiculous. On top of the initial purchase and upkeep, not to mention fuel, insurance costs for a Type I diabetic would be astronomical. Aside from that, I'd much rather be spending that money on something cool, like a trip to Ireland or something.

I also have to keep in mind that my driving paranoia is real, and I find it pretty justified. I've always had a problem detecting insulin reactions in their early stages, which means that should I have one while driving, I might not even feel it until I was already pretty impaired. The very thought of that freaks me out...I've seen old episodes of Cops where a diabetic in reaction was pulled over on suspicion of drunk driving. They weren't arrested for it, of course, since they were able to prove the disease, but still...if I were driving as though I were drunk without even realizing I was doing so, well, I don't even want to think about it.

I'm sure that I'd be able to overcome this fear before too terribly long by always testing my blood sugars before I drove, but still. Even that doesn't away the possibility that something could happen. Which brings me to an entirely different facet of my paranoia: there's always the chance something could happen. Be it bad weather, a mechanical malfunction, the bad decisions of other drivers, a dog running into the road...the possibilities are endless. Now, of course I realize that this is something people face every day, and that nothing is 100% guaranteed to be safe. Yet I can't help but think that if more people were to consider these possibilities every time they got behind the wheel, there would be far fewer people on the road, and far more use of public transit opportunities.

I break into a cold sweat before I drive (on the rare occasions I have, of course), but once I get on the road, my nerves calm enough so that I'm not scared anymore. It's a little bit like the stage fright I used to feel before my solos in choir: I'd worry myself to the point of nausea before the performance, but the second I walked on stage, I was fine. I'm sure feeling freaked out beforehand is much better than the opposite, but I'd rather not lose sleep over it if I can help it. Just like with my asshole sales job...I'm leaving that as soon as I can find something not quite as assholish or that deprives me of sleep and sanity. Which, when it comes to the latter, I very well have none of to begin with.

As much as it sucks, and as much as I feel like a fool for being so paranoid about something so seemingly simple, I have to say that I don't really envision myself driving on a regular basis at any point in my life. Of course, to make this plan work, I'll most likely have to move to a major metropolitan area (NYC, Chicago) where public transit isn't an issue. Who knows, at this point I'd be satisfied if the damn bus went by my house later than 6pm.

 

 

Driving Paranoia

It might stem from the fact that, kept from taking Driver's Ed in high school due to my bitchy stepmother and having no one to teach me until I turned 19, I didn't even learn to drive until years after the general population of the country usually does. Add to that the horror stories my stepmom (yep, the same butch one as mentioned earlier) always told me about diabetics having severe reactions behind the wheel and killing small children playing in their backyards, and it's small wonder that I'm a little leery of driving a vehicle weighing several tons and controlled by me alone around a town populated by hundreds of thousands of these same vehicles, many driven by people that by all rights shouldn't even be allowed to leave their houses, let alone drive.

Now that I'm making somewhat decent money, the first thing that family members and friends like to ask me is when I'll be getting a car. Now, I do admit that the thought has crossed my mind. There would undoubtedly be certain benefits, such as being able to leave my house after six pm without worrying about how I'll make it back. (Yes, public transportation here is a black hole of stupid). I'd be able to take a much less stressful job, namely the nice one at the cable company that I wanted to take more than anything last month, but was unable to since the shift ended at 9pm and I'd have been stuck ten miles from my house in the dead of winter. I'd also be able to go to Jimmy John's, a sandwich shop that I adore but that does not deliver to my house due to distance.

However, I also have to consider the downfalls of purchasing a car. For one, the expense would be ridiculous. On top of the initial purchase and upkeep, not to mention fuel, insurance costs for a Type I diabetic would be astronomical. Aside from that, I'd much rather be spending that money on something cool, like a trip to Ireland or something.

I also have to keep in mind that my driving paranoia is real, and I find it pretty justified. I've always had a problem detecting insulin reactions in their early stages, which means that should I have one while driving, I might not even feel it until I was already pretty impaired. The very thought of that freaks me out...I've seen old episodes of Cops where a diabetic in reaction was pulled over on suspicion of drunk driving. They weren't arrested for it, of course, since they were able to prove the disease, but still...if I were driving as though I were drunk without even realizing I was doing so, well, I don't even want to think about it.

I'm sure that I'd be able to overcome this fear before too terribly long by always testing my blood sugars before I drove, but still. Even that doesn't away the possibility that something could happen. Which brings me to an entirely different facet of my paranoia: there's always the chance something could happen. Be it bad weather, a mechanical malfunction, the bad decisions of other drivers, a dog running into the road...the possibilities are endless. Now, of course I realize that this is something people face every day, and that nothing is 100% guaranteed to be safe. Yet I can't help but think that if more people were to consider these possibilities every time they got behind the wheel, there would be far fewer people on the road, and far more use of public transit opportunities.

I break into a cold sweat before I drive (on the rare occasions I have, of course), but once I get on the road, my nerves calm enough so that I'm not scared anymore. It's a little bit like the stage fright I used to feel before my solos in choir: I'd worry myself to the point of nausea before the performance, but the second I walked on stage, I was fine. I'm sure feeling freaked out beforehand is much better than the opposite, but I'd rather not lose sleep over it if I can help it. Just like with my asshole sales job...I'm leaving that as soon as I can find something not quite as assholish or that deprives me of sleep and sanity. Which, when it comes to the latter, I very well have none of to begin with.

As much as it sucks, and as much as I feel like a fool for being so paranoid about something so seemingly simple, I have to say that I don't really envision myself driving on a regular basis at any point in my life. Of course, to make this plan work, I'll most likely have to move to a major metropolitan area (NYC, Chicago) where public transit isn't an issue. Who knows, at this point I'd be satisfied if the damn bus went by my house later than 6pm.