titles are stupid and I can't make them

[mutedtempest]

Okay, so I've been having mild panic attacks most of the night, and it's really fucking stupid. And I'm pissed off so I don't really give a shit. Anyway, DD is reading my fanfic and all I want to do is delete everything I ever wrote. It's fucking stupid. But I'm just positive she's gonna read it and look down on me, even if she doesn't say it. And I hate it because I'm always so surprised she talks to me at all, and I don't want her thinking I'm some kind of retard. Which I am, but whatever. I don't give a fuck. I just hate it because she's so fucking super genius and I'm an idiot and I don't want her to look down on me more than she probably already does. And DD I know you're reading this and I'm sorry, but that's how I feel.

It's so stupid. Like, Liberalista reads my stuff, and she always says it's amazing. She's another one of those people who's smarter than I could ever dream of being, and I think she's on crack, but she keeps saying it. And it makes me feel weird, but never panicky. Maybe it's because I'm closer with DD, but I've never even considered deleting my stuff before now.

What the fuck is wrong with my stupid brain? I want out of here. But more than that I want to delete every trace of everything I've ever written so nobody can think I'm more stupid than they already do. I mean, I've been sitting here going back and forth between the site and my bed for the past three hours, and every time I get really close to deleting.

Comments

[darkness-d.livejournal.com]

Okay, look, I don't even know how many times I have to say this, but I don't get why you wanna delete it. I like that damn story, that's why I'm reading it. And I don't get why I would ever think you're stupid either, because you're not. You're smarter than I am, and I don't get where the hell you got the idea that it's the other way around. I can't write like you do.
The reason people say it's good is because it is. If it wasn't, they probably wouldn't bother saying anything.

[mutedtempest.livejournal.com]

I am SO not smarter than you are. So there.

And I don't know, I' just afraid you're gonna start thinking it's stupid and then you won;t like me anymore or something. I never claimed it was a rational fear.

[darkness-d.livejournal.com]

I like you too much to ever stop, you should know that.

[mutedtempest.livejournal.com]

Good, because the feeling is mutual.

...we sound like such girls. Lol.

[darkness-d.livejournal.com]

Maybe because we are? lol

[mutedtempest.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah! Sometimes I forget, being so butch and all. Lol.

[liberalista.livejournal.com]

so work has a bitch lately (or maybe that was just my boss) and i havent had a moment to check lj in the past few days. but alas, it is saturday and im hibernating from the world and going through posts and just came across this one and it made me mad. not mad really, but like, youre completely not stupid, not even one iota, and it's stupid to even say that :P seriously though, i sincerely appreciate the compliment and i stand by my sincerity in telling you how awesome youre writing is, but dont put yourself down like that. i too have the urges to delete my stuff when i know people i respect are reading it, but you have to realize, its just someone's opinion and even if they dont like it, it doesnt mean you suck, it just means they are different from you. be proud of your gift because that's what it is. its okay to believe that you're gifted at something, it won't just disappear if you start to admit that. annnnnnd end preaching session :)

[mutedtempest.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I can't even tell you how much it means to me that you think so highly of my rambling drivel, lol.