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[personal profile] mutedtempest
since I’m really disorganized in my head right now. I’m very happy to be going, don’t get me wrong, but I was so sure it wasn’t going to happen that I was sort of knocked on my ass when things finally came together.Now I feel like I’m scrabbling to get everything together at the last minute, although in reality I have very little left that I need to do before I go.

I finally told my family that I’m going. Most of them took it very well, but my Nans (my mother’s mother) is having a hard time with it. I made her cry, and I feel horrible for that. When I’m in the States I live in the upper apartment of my great grandmother’s duplex, since it’d be sitting empty otherwise. I also try to keep an eye on her, but it’s difficult because even at 99 she’s stubborn as a mule and refuses to let me help her with anything. Still, I try to check on her a few times a day and help with whatever she’ll let me do, and I know it’s going to be really rough on my Nans to know that she’s here mostly alone. (My…I guess he’d be a second cousin? something of that sort anyway) lives in the basement apartment, but he’s a bit…different, and while a nice guy I’m not sure he’d know what to do if something should happen to her. So I feel really bad for taking that peace of mind away, but as my Nans said, I can’t put my life on hold for that. I suppose that’s true, but I still feel guilty.

I went to the library and got all the paperwork I should need printed off, including my plane ticket. I have that all packed in my file folder, and I have a compression bag of clothes already packed. I need to try to roll it down a bit more, but aside from doing laundry before I go and packing a few little things from that, I’m ready clothes-wise. I also packed up most of my diabetic supplies, and went today to get the remaining refills on my insulin to take with me. Really, the only things I have left to pack are the insulin itself and my carry on bag with laptop, phone and some little things.

I also need to clean the apartment, mainly the food. I’ve been shopping light for awhile so as not to have much to get rid of, and my family will be taking some of the frozen and dry things. Then I’ll have to vacuum, scrub everything down, dust and mop the kitchen floor. I’ll be leaving the apartment pretty much intact since it’ll be empty anyway, but I’d like to get it as clean as I possibly can.

See? I knew this post would be rambly. I think the stress of having an actual departure date and knowing that this is really happening are putting me a little on edge. I’m sure things will be just fine, but the anticipation/anxiety from these final days in America is freaking me out a little anyway.
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mutedtempest

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