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I hate being so damn awkward
Nov. 2nd, 2008 12:04 pmOkay, so. Last night Colin came home from work and said hi. We talked for about two minutes and everything was fine, and then he made a move like he was going to his room. For some insane reason my brain decided that the proper way to behave was to say "Well, goodnight!" really loudly. He's sweet and didnt say anything, but I still felt like a twat. lol.
Then a little bit ago, my new roommate arrived. Her name is Nora and she's beautiful and nice and of COURSE i acted like a braindead retard around her like I do with all pretty girls (DD can attest). I was scared all night about it and almost just stayed in my room with the door shut, but I didn't want to be rude, so I stepped out and said hi. Things didnt go THAT badly, but God. I HATE being so fucking awkward in every social situation I'm in. I don't know what to do and I wind up constantly looking like an idiot.
To further add to my distress, Colin invited me to dinner with his parents tonight. It'll be at the apartment, since he's using his chef skills, but still. I've met his mum and she's sweet, but I don't know if I can handle this.
I don't want to be this way. They're nice people and I have no reason to be afraid of them, but the thought of dinner is freaking me out. I had seizures this morning and I could use that as an excuse, but gah. It's only dinner, I don't know why theprospect makes me hyperventilate. I'm 26 fucking years old, I'm an adult, I should be able to handle social interaction. It's not like I have very much of it.
I think I'm really turning into a shut-in. I'm scared.
Then a little bit ago, my new roommate arrived. Her name is Nora and she's beautiful and nice and of COURSE i acted like a braindead retard around her like I do with all pretty girls (DD can attest). I was scared all night about it and almost just stayed in my room with the door shut, but I didn't want to be rude, so I stepped out and said hi. Things didnt go THAT badly, but God. I HATE being so fucking awkward in every social situation I'm in. I don't know what to do and I wind up constantly looking like an idiot.
To further add to my distress, Colin invited me to dinner with his parents tonight. It'll be at the apartment, since he's using his chef skills, but still. I've met his mum and she's sweet, but I don't know if I can handle this.
I don't want to be this way. They're nice people and I have no reason to be afraid of them, but the thought of dinner is freaking me out. I had seizures this morning and I could use that as an excuse, but gah. It's only dinner, I don't know why theprospect makes me hyperventilate. I'm 26 fucking years old, I'm an adult, I should be able to handle social interaction. It's not like I have very much of it.
I think I'm really turning into a shut-in. I'm scared.
