mutedtempest (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mutedtempest) wrote2008-12-16 08:13 am
mutedtempest) wrote2008-12-16 08:13 am
The sun's not even up yet and I've already made progress
lol.
Earlier this year I had some issues with some people that really fucked with my self-esteem. They have a forum, where they go to talk amongst themselves. Back when I was included in their group of friends, I posted there quite a bit. I still go there and still post a little bit, because a couple people there are good to talk to. Still, it makes me feel bad to go when 98% of the (regular) posters hate me.
I've wanted to move on for a long time now, but it's very hard. I'm somewhat addicted to self-punishment, and as much as I don't want to go there I still do. This morning I sent a private message to one of the admins, who happens to be one of the few there that still like me. It goes as follows:
"I was just wondering if there's any way my account on here could be disabled.
I like the forum and think it's great, but since the overwhelming majority of the people that post here hate me, I think it's bad for my self-esteem to come here. I'd love it if I were able to simply give it up on my own, but I have a real problem doing that. I guess I'm something of a masochist. If I need to be banned, that's fine, I was just wondering if there's another way to go about it. I looked in the control panel, but there doesnt seem to be an option to close accounts.
Nothing has happened, so please don't think there's been any drama. There hasn't. I simply know every time I log in that lots of people here despise me, and I really want to move on with my life. Coming here is a hindrance to the progress I've been making in the self-esteem department. It's not anyone here specifically, but as a whole, it just makes me feel bad about myself for things I'm not able to change now.
Thanks for reading and I'm sorry if I'm causing any trouble."
I know it seems like a small thing, and it probably is. But it's a big deal to me.
Earlier this year I had some issues with some people that really fucked with my self-esteem. They have a forum, where they go to talk amongst themselves. Back when I was included in their group of friends, I posted there quite a bit. I still go there and still post a little bit, because a couple people there are good to talk to. Still, it makes me feel bad to go when 98% of the (regular) posters hate me.
I've wanted to move on for a long time now, but it's very hard. I'm somewhat addicted to self-punishment, and as much as I don't want to go there I still do. This morning I sent a private message to one of the admins, who happens to be one of the few there that still like me. It goes as follows:
"I was just wondering if there's any way my account on here could be disabled.
I like the forum and think it's great, but since the overwhelming majority of the people that post here hate me, I think it's bad for my self-esteem to come here. I'd love it if I were able to simply give it up on my own, but I have a real problem doing that. I guess I'm something of a masochist. If I need to be banned, that's fine, I was just wondering if there's another way to go about it. I looked in the control panel, but there doesnt seem to be an option to close accounts.
Nothing has happened, so please don't think there's been any drama. There hasn't. I simply know every time I log in that lots of people here despise me, and I really want to move on with my life. Coming here is a hindrance to the progress I've been making in the self-esteem department. It's not anyone here specifically, but as a whole, it just makes me feel bad about myself for things I'm not able to change now.
Thanks for reading and I'm sorry if I'm causing any trouble."
I know it seems like a small thing, and it probably is. But it's a big deal to me.
no subject