mutedtempest (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mutedtempest) wrote2008-05-26 10:34 pm
mutedtempest) wrote2008-05-26 10:34 pm
apparently the universe shifted while I was sleeping
or I was sleepwalking. Or sleeptalking. I have no idea, but my best friend Morph called me a little while after I woke up and went into one of his "girl-problem" speeches. He's been doing this for over six years. Apparently, his ex-girlfriends are all psychotic, yet he speaks to them and gives them his phone number and allows them to call him regularly. Why he does this, I will never understand, because he continuously calls me to bitch about the stress they're putting him through. Then, um...tell them to leave you alone? I don't understand why that's so difficult.
Today, I was in the middle of something and listened to him whine for about 20 minutes before I said that I had to go. he seemed to change moods really abruptly then. I told him I'd call and talk to him later when I was done, and he said "don't count on it."
I figured he just needed to sleep or something, so I asked if he wanted me to wait until tomorrow. He then said that he's been doing a lot of thinking and ending things with some people in his life, and as of this evening I am one of these people. He said it wasn't about me, it was about him and his desire to be alone and not have anyone bother him. But he never wants to speak to me again.
I just have no idea what I did. We've been friends for six years. I've done everything I can do to show him that I care about him and will help him in any way possible. Even with his girl stories, i always tell him that I just don't want to see him get hurt. But apparently, none of that is good enough.
He says it's not personal, but it must be. Otherwise, he wouldn't have done it. So, i know I had to have done something wrong, but I don't know what it could possibly have been. I guess he just finally realized I'm not really worth being friends with. I can't say I wasn't expecting it, but after so much time and after everything we shared together, it hurts. it feels like he tore my heart out, emptied it out and then put it back inside.
I'd go back and change everything if I could. I wonder what I should have done that would have made him like me. I wonder if I'll ever know. Probably not; people don't tend to tell me that stuff after they go. They forget I exist, until to them, I never did.
I love him. And if this is what it'll take for him to be happy, I'm not going to fight him on it. And as bad as it sounds to say it, I know I'll eventually get over it. There are only two people on this earth who I wouldn't get over if they left. One already did, and the other...I keep waiting. I'm constantly trying to prepare myself so it won't be a surprise like it was with the first. Maybe it's a good thing I didn't let Morph all the way in. This is horrible and I think it's bad enough.
I wanna sleep for the next ten years or so.
Today, I was in the middle of something and listened to him whine for about 20 minutes before I said that I had to go. he seemed to change moods really abruptly then. I told him I'd call and talk to him later when I was done, and he said "don't count on it."
I figured he just needed to sleep or something, so I asked if he wanted me to wait until tomorrow. He then said that he's been doing a lot of thinking and ending things with some people in his life, and as of this evening I am one of these people. He said it wasn't about me, it was about him and his desire to be alone and not have anyone bother him. But he never wants to speak to me again.
I just have no idea what I did. We've been friends for six years. I've done everything I can do to show him that I care about him and will help him in any way possible. Even with his girl stories, i always tell him that I just don't want to see him get hurt. But apparently, none of that is good enough.
He says it's not personal, but it must be. Otherwise, he wouldn't have done it. So, i know I had to have done something wrong, but I don't know what it could possibly have been. I guess he just finally realized I'm not really worth being friends with. I can't say I wasn't expecting it, but after so much time and after everything we shared together, it hurts. it feels like he tore my heart out, emptied it out and then put it back inside.
I'd go back and change everything if I could. I wonder what I should have done that would have made him like me. I wonder if I'll ever know. Probably not; people don't tend to tell me that stuff after they go. They forget I exist, until to them, I never did.
I love him. And if this is what it'll take for him to be happy, I'm not going to fight him on it. And as bad as it sounds to say it, I know I'll eventually get over it. There are only two people on this earth who I wouldn't get over if they left. One already did, and the other...I keep waiting. I'm constantly trying to prepare myself so it won't be a surprise like it was with the first. Maybe it's a good thing I didn't let Morph all the way in. This is horrible and I think it's bad enough.
I wanna sleep for the next ten years or so.
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I'm not going anywhere!
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(Anonymous) 2008-05-27 03:17 pm (UTC)(link)Honestly, I don’t even know why you still talked to him after what he did that day when he was supposed to come visit you.
As far as I’m concerned, he did you a favor. You don’t need jerks like him in your life, you deserve real friends.
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(Anonymous) 2008-05-28 08:47 am (UTC)(link)no subject