mutedtempest (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mutedtempest) wrote2008-03-28 04:24 pm
mutedtempest) wrote2008-03-28 04:24 pm
35. Visit my mom's grave when I feel the need to talk
I went out there today after my laundry was done and just sat there for a little bit. Then I cleaned off her headstone, since it's been really neglected lately.
As I was doing that, I told her everything. How depressed I am and how it scares me that I'll turn into my grandmother, how I feel like I'm going nowhere in life and don't know if I ever will, how I want to be healthy but can't seem to get it right, how I feel like she'd hate who I've become.
I'm not religious at all. I'm not even really spiritual. I think I'm too jaded and cynical, lol. I'm more agnostic than anything else, and I have no idea if an afterlife exists. Logically, I know it probably doesn't. But I felt like she heard me. And I felt quiet inside for the first time in what felt like forever. There was nothing in there, but I wasn't empty.
task completed
As I was doing that, I told her everything. How depressed I am and how it scares me that I'll turn into my grandmother, how I feel like I'm going nowhere in life and don't know if I ever will, how I want to be healthy but can't seem to get it right, how I feel like she'd hate who I've become.
I'm not religious at all. I'm not even really spiritual. I think I'm too jaded and cynical, lol. I'm more agnostic than anything else, and I have no idea if an afterlife exists. Logically, I know it probably doesn't. But I felt like she heard me. And I felt quiet inside for the first time in what felt like forever. There was nothing in there, but I wasn't empty.
task completed