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[personal profile] mutedtempest
I know it's been forever, aside from the copypasted posts from my other blogs. I honestly have no idea why I have so many. I guess that like everything else I have a terrible time making decisions, and I sort of like being able to post certain things in certain places. I've missed IJ though, and I feel comfortable here, so I'd like to get back into at least a semi-regular updating pattern.

A lot has been happening recently, most of which revolves around my application and acceptance to Uppsala University, and the approval of my residence permit. In less than 5 days I'll be leaving Moline, hopefully for good, but for at least two years while I study for a master's degree. To say I'm happy would be the understatement of the century. I still can't believe I've gotten so lucky, and I keep waiting to wake up from the dream and realize it's not real. But that hasn't happened yet, so I'm doing my best to accept that maybe I do deserve something that I've really wanted. I'm going to try to make the best of it and not take any of it for granted.

To be perfectly honest I never believed it would happen. I'd sent applications to schools in Norway and The Netherlands too, since I was so positive Uppsala wouldn't accept me. Even if they did, with the new tuition fees for non-EU students I thought there'd be no way I could ever afford it, even with student loans. To my complete and utter shock I was not only accepted but approved for some extra student loan funds which will be plenty to live comfortably on.

I thought the lucky streak would end and that my student residence permit would be denied, since I applied for one before and wasn't accepted. Those courses were all online, though, and the American student loan system changed while I was there the first time. I was still super anxious waiting to hear something for three months, though, and expected them to say no. For some reason, they didn't, and last week I got an email saying that I was approved.

I keep waiting for it to sink in. I've been buying things and making plans, but it still doesn't feel real to me. I do I deserve this? Sweden has always felt like home to me. I'm still avoidant and will always have issues, but I'm just not as anxious so often when I'm in Sweden. And I have friends there, real ones, three of whom are only a short bus ride away from Uppsala and the others an overnight ride.

I feel like this is a second chance for me. I think, just maybe, I can at least make an attempt to become the person I want to be. I'll be able to apply for a personnummer, and will have better health care than I've ever had in America. That alone makes me feel like I've won the lottery. I'll also be at a large university, and will try my hardest to socialize as much as I can. I'm going to join a choir, something I haven't been part of for years now and miss terribly.

In short, the universe is really being nice to me right now, and I'm just sort of floating around in a daze. I really cannot wait.
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July 2016

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